third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
