every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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