Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
