It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
