it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
