Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
