I'm going to jail i love you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
