God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
