Betty ford says i'm here all night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
