Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize