That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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