Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
