the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
