I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
