I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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