If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
