last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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