I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
