And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
