Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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