Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize