Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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