I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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