very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
