He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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