I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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