I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
