dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
