When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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