she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
