Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't turn off my feet"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
