a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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