Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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