i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
