my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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