Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The ass gains better be worth it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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