i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
