I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I want her autograph on my taint
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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