oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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