She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
