"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
