foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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