if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
