So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
