I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
