HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
