drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
