Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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