Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i now understand why vodka
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize