You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
