Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
