Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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