Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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