I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
