Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
