I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
