Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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