So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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