Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
