Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
