pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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