sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize