dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
