I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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