I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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