So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
