I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
