I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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