meet me or not, i'm out of control
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
