Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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