The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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