and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize