Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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