I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
