Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize