oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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