I am puke
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize